Filed under: by tamber
30 December 2011 @ 04:45

How has it made it to nearly 2012 already?

I figured I had to post something, since it's been so long since my last post; got to keep up appearances. Or something.

Mostly I wanted to vent a little on employment; and the apparent no-can-has-ing of. This is a barely tidied up version of a rant I threw at IRC, since... I don't know, maybe it might help to shout it, or something.

I've started to feel like I can't do anything; all the things I was beginning to feel like I was getting good at -- the strange programming languages, the brief stumblings into electronics (and back out again since I'm too broke to actually do anything interesting) --, I can't dredge up even the basics of any more.

I've lost my interest in technology, both using and tinkering with, because I feel like I shouldn't be wasting my time trying to learn new things like I used to; when I should instead be doing something like throwing myself onto the spikes of recruiters and HR staff.

I... feel like I've forgotten everything I've tried to learn over the past year or two; because I can't maintain enthusiasm long enough to keep experimenting and cementing what I know. It's hard to keep the enthusiasm when, everywhere you turn, it seems like everyone is saying "You didn't learn this in a degree-mill? You didn't get a degree? You're worthless".

Apparently, without a degree -- or having commercial experience -- to point at, nobody wants to know what I can do; even if I can point them at code I've written, show them the bugs I've patched, etc.


A month or two ago, I was writing code to actually fix problems (Sure, my problems; but I was writing code to fix them.), I was producing something; now I can't seem to muster the energy to do more than throw myself down in front of the computer, read job postings that all ask for things I can't do or have, and despair about how I don't seem to have a future.

And I just can't seem to dodge the nagging feeling that all the people who said I'd never amount to anything... that they're right.

I really hope not.